JJ's Family Reunion
by Jam.MastahXJay
Summary: From food to cuts, from family to a snake's POV, nothing will ever be sane at JJ's house! And add the Spirit Detectives, there will be chaos!


"JJ!!" The thirteen year old everyone knows turned, listening to her iPod.

"What is it, Mama?" she asked, very annoyed. Her mom smacked her head. "Ow."

"Don't talk to me like that!" she yelled at JJ.

"OK, but what's up?" Her mom grinned evily. JJ stepped back. "No. Already?! SHIT!!" She ran into her room, where her cosplaying idiots for friends were in, sitting on the floor.

"What's up, JJ?" the bulky one asked, looking at her.

"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!" JJ yelled, flipping through a calender. She groaned loudly. "DAMMIT!!"

"JJ?"

"What, Kurama?!" JJ yelled angrily, looking straight at Kurama. He sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"It's my family reunion," she said, looking towards the ground.

"Fam-i-ly re-un-ion?" the shortest cosplayer asked confusingly. JJ glared at him.

"No shit, idiot." Kurama tried to calm the thirteen year old down, and to hold her back from fighting with the cosplayer.

"JJ, there's no need to fight. Remember, Hiei doesn't know what a family reunion is," he reminded her.

"Yeah, and he doesn't know when to knock, yet no one stops him," she snapped. Hiei glared at her.

"I forget easily!" he yelled.

"Sure." JJ's mom came in.

"Geez, knock much, Mama?" JJ asked. Her mom glared at her.

"Nope. And will your friends- Don't call them that," JJ said, cutting in.

"Well, what should I call them?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips. JJ thought for a moment.

"Cosplaying idiots," she answered, nodding. Her mom narrowed her eyes before shaking her head.

"Well, whatever you call them, are they staying for the reunion?" They all nodded, but JJ shook her head.

"Mom, don't give them any ideas! They're liable to take it seriously!" she pleaded. Hiei glared at her.

"Shut up, JJ!" he said. JJ and her mom glared at him.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!" Her mom left then. JJ smacked Hiei's head.

"You should know my family is the only people who yell at me," she said. Kurama sighed.

"So, what are we supposed to do?" a raven haired teen asked. JJ smirked at him.

"You all can go in the yard and help my sisters pick up since you asked, Yusuke," she instructed, pushing them out of her room. Yusuke stared at her.

"But- No buts. You guys'll be able to get to know my sisters," she said, kicking them out.

"Then what are you gonna do?" the bulky one asked curiously. JJ sighed.

"I gots to cook."

"Uhh, 'gots'?" Kurama asked.

"IT'S A WORD!! ... I think..." She shrugged and pushed them out. She ran into the kitchen, where her mom was. "Hey Mama." Her mom looked up at her and smiled.

"C'mon JJ, help me cook."

OUTSIDE

"Hi, I'm Kurama," Kurama introduced to two girls. The taller one held out a hand.

"I'm Drew," she said, smiling. Hiei grunted, Yusuke waved, and Kuwabara smiled.

"I'm Kuwabara!"

"I'm Yusuke."

"Hiei."

"I'm Kurama, but pay no mind to Hiei's attitude," he said to the girls. Drew pointed to the girl next to her, who was frowning.

"This is my older sister, Shannon," she said happily. Shannon shook her head as she bent down to pick up a soda can. Hiei cocked his head.

"Then how old are you?" he asked Drew. She laughed lightly.

"Seventeen." Kurama's jaw dropped.

"Uhh, then how old is Shannon?" he asked, a bit hesitant. Shannon glared at him.

"Why?"

"You look... twelve." Drew busted out laughing. Shannon punched her arm.

"Shut up, Drew! I'm nineteen." Kurama, Kuwabara, and Yusuke's eyes widened. Hiei left into the house. He ran into the kitchen. JJ and her mom were making Mac 'N' Cheese.

"Um, what's up, Short One?" JJ asked. Hiei's eyes widened at all the food that was going to be made.

"Uhh, why all the food?" he asked. JJ and her mom exchanged glances, then laughed out loud.

"Oh, you'll see when see my family," JJ said, wiping away a tear, still snickering. Hiei shuddered.

"There's _more _of your kind?" he asked. JJ shook her head, looking serious.

"Mom, the rolling pin," she said in a monotone voice. Hiei left, not wanting to know what she was going to do with it.

"Geez, how can a twelve year old boy like him get all pissed off?" her mom asked. JJ shrugged.

"Dunno. Hey, is Dave and G comin' or no?" Her mom nodded. JJ groaned. "I'll go get more ham."

OUTSIDE

"OK, all you have to do is pick up any garbage you see on the ground," Drew instructed the now four cosplayers. They nodded and started to pick up and throw away garbage.

"Drew," Shannon whispered. Drew looked towards her sister.

"Yeah?" And then, all you couold hear is 'Wusp, wusp, NO WAY!!' Kurama looked towards the teens and sighed.

"Girl talk."

"Shannon, where's the ham?!" JJ yelled to her sister. Shannon grunted.

"Why?"

"Tell me!"

"No!" And then, the argument started.

"Dammit Shannon, just tell me!" JJ yelled, waving her arms in the air. Shannon shook her head. Drew stepped between the two.

"Now my sisters, don't start arguing," she said. JJ smirked.

"Yeah Shannon!"

"JJ! Where's the ham?!" JJ's mom yelled. JJ pointed to Shannon.

"She ate it!" JJ snickered as Shannon hit her in the arm.

"_Idiota!_" JJ shrugged as she grabbed her bike. The Spirit Detectives followed her.

"Mom, I'll just buy more," JJ insisted, taking off on her bike. Her mom sighed.

"Buy more pop too!" she called out. JJ nodded.

"I'll buy more food for Xtik, too," she muttered. Kurama, Hiei, Yusuke, and Kuwabara were running to keep up with JJ.

"Where are we going?" Yusuke asked, irritated.

"The store, no duh!" JJ thought for a moment.

_"I feel like I'm forgetting something..."_

IN JJ'S ROOM

A 6'4 fourteen year old boy was in JJ's room, looking through her drawers.

"Dammit, what the hell did she do with my South Pole shirt?!" he mumbled. His hip bumped into a glass cage, where a non-poisonous brown water snake was in.

"Shit. Ahh well, what's the worst that can happen?" he asked himself, leaving with his prized shirt. The snake's cage broke, and it slithered out. (A/N Ahh, remember this. My mom and my sister Drew are _scared _of snakes)

AT A STORE

"C'mon Z, I only have ten bucks. I need food for Xtik and I need ham for the family reunion," JJ said, talking to a clerk. He groaned.

"Dude, I can't give you a discount! Only me and _my _family can use my discount card!" he protested.

"I treat you like family!" she said.

"No you don't!" JJ groaned as he continued to debate. She snatched his discount card and used it to help pay for her few things. He kept debating as she got her things ready.

"Thanks for the discount, Z!" she said, smiling and leaving with the four cosplayers.

"The dis- You bitch!" The manager came out.

"Fairbanks, you're fired!" he yelled. "No one should treat a customer like that!" JJ smirked.

"Yeah Zach!" And she left. She shoved her things to Kurama. "Here." Kurama glared at JJ. She jumped on her bike and started to pedal away.

"Hey, isn't that the guy that twisted your ankle?" Yusuke asked. JJ nodded.

"Yeah. He's a real ass. We gotta go before my family gets to my house."

AT THE HOUSE

Drew sighed.

"Shannon, can you believe Mom actually let JJ get a snake?" She shuddered. Shannon shrugged.

"I can. It'll teach the brat responsiblity." Drew shuddered again.

"But, Mom and I _hate _snakes! Ughhh!" Drew went back to picking up trash. Shannon put a garbage bag into a trash can before picking up more trash.

"Yo!" The two sisters turned towards the road and saw JJ.

"Can you slow down?!" Kurama yelled.

"Nope!" Shannon groaned.

"You got food for that dumb- DON'T CALL XTIK DUMB!!" JJ yelled, cutting in. Shannon shrugged. JJ jumped off her bike, not bothering to chain it up, and ran into the house.

"Here's the ham, Mama!" JJ said frantically, putting the frozen ham on the counter. JJ ran into her room, slipping. "Ouch." She landed on her right arm, and she was bleeding.

"I smell blood," Hiei said, walking in. He looked at JJ's arm, and pointed at it. "You're bleeding." JJ glared at him.

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Dumb One. Ahh..." She blew on her arm, and looked at the floor. "Glass... What the hell happened?"

"I smell- The obvious was already pointed out, Kurama," JJ said, cutting in.

"Hey, your arm's bleeding," the cosplayer said, pointing at her arm.

"Oh Zeus, I KNOW!!" She glanced at her nightstand while arguing, and did a double take. Her brown eyes widened.

"JJ, is something wrong?" Kurama asked softly.

"Xtik?" JJ whispered, looking at her nightstand. She looked scared. "Oh. Shit."

"Hey, where'd the glass come from?" Kurama asked, looking at the floor. JJ's eye twitched, putting two and two together.

"XTIK!!" JJ screamed. She jumped up and pushed Hiei and Kurama out of her way. They blinked, letting what just happened sink in.

"JJ, your arm is bleeding!" JJ's mom said, pointing at her arm. JJ froze.

_"I won't tell her about Xtik," _she thought.

"Here," her mom said, cleaning her cuts. "What the fuck happened?" JJ's eye twitched.

"I slipped."

_"Well, it's not a lie. Just not the whole truth," _JJ thought.

"On what?"

"Glass."

"Damn. There." JJ looked at her arm. It was cleaned and had gauze on it.

"Thanks Mama!" JJ pecked her mom's cheek and ran outside. The yard was clean, and there was a BIG blanket in the middle of it.

"Hey, Lil Sis!" Drew said, waving.

"Hey!" JJ said, smiling funny.

"JJ, you're arm's wrapped up!" Yusuke yelled, coming out of the bushes.

"Geez, I KNOW!! Dammit..."

"JJ! Drew! Shannon!" The three sisters looked towards the house, and JJ was hit in the face with a pie.

"Hey!" JJ yelled, irritated. She licked some of the frosting, then she smiled through the frosting. "This is good pie."

"Good!" JJ brightened up, forgetting about her snake.

"Uncle James!" the three yelled, running towards the man. He smiled.

"Hey, my faves!" Yusuke, Hiei, Kuwabara, and Kurama looked at JJ funny.

"OK, my cosplaying idiots. This is- I'm James," James cut in, extending a hand. He had a Southern accent.

"Are you from the South?" Yusuke asked.

"Mmm-hmm." JJ decided to step in.

"He isn't my blood uncle. My auntie JoJo married him, and anyway, we all think of him as an uncle," she said. Then, a woman with long, brown, curly hair stepped out of a car.

"Hi kids!" she said happily.

"Hey Auntie!" the three sisters greeted. Drew looked at the cosplayers.

"This is Billie Jo, or Auntie JoJo," she explained. JJ cut in again.

"On our dad's side."

"Ohh," Hiei said. "That explains the kindness." JJ, Drew, and Kurama bopped his head.

"Hiei, no need to be rude," Kurama whispered harshly.

"Yeah Hiei! No need to act like that!" JJ said, a bit annoyed.

"I agree with JJ, Henry!" The Spirit Detectives minus Hiei and JJ started laughing.

"D-Drew, Hiei," JJ said between laughs. Hiei's eye twitched.

"We should call you Henry from now on!" Yusuke said, smirking.

"Hey! Ya'll forget 'bout me?!" JJ looked behind her auntie and uncle and smiled.

"Hey G!" she said, grinning.

"Hey, JJ!" JJ looked behind her tall cousin.

"Hey, guys! Where's my baby?" she asked innocently. The cosplayers exchanged glances.

"Right here," a woman said, handing her a pale baby boy.

"Hey, Detric," JJ cooed. Hiei tugged on JJ's shirt.

"Who are these people?"

"My family." JJ gave Shannon the baby, Detric. Shannon smiled at the baby.

"Hey," she whispered softly. Kuwabara's eye twitched.

_"It's amazing how attitudes can change around babies," _he thought. (A/N AMEN!!)

Twenty minutes later...

"And that's the rest of my family," JJ said, pointing out everyone, who were all sitting on the blanket. The cosplayers eyes' widened.

"You have alot of family members," Yusuke commented.

"Yeah," she said. "And to think, they're all from both sides of my parents."

"What happened to your father?" Kurama asked, searching around for JJ's dad. JJ's face turned from happy to sad.

"Uhh, he passed away." Silence.

"FOOD'S DONE!!" her mom yelled enthusiastically. JJ's _whole _family ran into the kitchen. Only JJ and two little kids walked towards the house.

"So Jaz, how've you and Randy been?" she asked, leaving the cosplayers in the dust.

"Sad," Yusuke commented.

"Yusuke," Kuwabara and Kurama said in unison.

"Yeah?"

"Don't comment."

"Good idea." They all walked towards the house, where family members whose names they couldn't remember pushed through them.

"OK, I'm gonna sit near the edge!" Drew announced sitting near the bushes. Soon enough, everyone, including the cosplayers, were sitting on the big blanket. JJ was eating and talking with the cosplayers, who had food.

"I didn't think you could cook," Hiei commented, eating slowly.

"I learned from the best," she said, using her chin to point at her mom.

"Hey JJ, what is this stuff?" Drew asked, playing with a certain food. JJ glanced at it before shrugging.

"Snake guts." Drew screamed. JJ started laughing. "Kidding!" Drew growled and smacked her arm.

"You little shit!" JJ gagged.

"Hey, I'm eating!" Shannon and Billy scowled at the two.

"Can you guys _not _fight for once?!" Billy asked, a little annoyed.

"Yeah Drew/JJ!" they two said in unison.

"Hey Jared," Drew said suddenly, cooing at another baby boy. He cried as his arm extending out to lightly touch her nose with potato salad. JJ snickered as she picked the baby up.

"Hey, my lil cousin. Would you like to meet my cosplaying idiots for friends?" He laughed, so JJ took that as a 'Yes'. "This is Kurama." She let Kurama hold the baby boy.

"Who's baby is this?" he asked as he played with the baby.

"My Uncle Mike's. His name is Jared, but I refer to him as Baby Jared," JJ replied, taking Baby Jared. "And this is Yusuke." Yusuke took the baby and he smiled warmly.

"Cute kid," he said. Jared laughed.

"Aww, I didn't think he'd like you," JJ said, a little disappointed. She took Jared and let Kuwabara hold him. "This is Kuwabara."

"He's so cute!" Kuwabara cooed, smiling at the baby. Jared smiled back. JJ laughed.

"Aww, Baby Jared loves Kuwabara." She took Jared back, and hesitantly let Hiei hold him. "And this is Idiot Hiei." Hiei scowled. Jared laughed as he hit Hiei's chin, a little too hard. Hiei almost fell on his back.

"Damn, this kid knows how to hit." JJ laughed as she took Baby Jared back.

"Good job, Baby Jared! You knew that Hiei was an idiotic cosplayer before you knew how to say a word!" Hiei hit JJ's head. JJ kicked him. Billy came to Jared's rescue and carried him away.

"Hey JJ, think you could watch Dom for me while I take a shower?" a woman asked. She nodded. JJ's eyes widened at her shirt. It was stained with grape juice.

"Of course, Claudette," she said. A three year old boy ran up to JJ and grabbed her arm.

"Armbar! Armbar!" he said cheerfully. JJ strained to hold a smile.

"Little One, can you let go, and I'll give you my brownie?" she asked. He let her go, and JJ gave him her fudge brownie. JJ grabbed Dom, and put him on her shoulders. "Guys, you should know my lil cousin, Dominic." They nodded.

"Hihi!" he yelled happily, waving. Two guys came up and picked up Dominic.

"Ahh!" the taller one, G, said in a playful voice. Dominic squealed in delight. JJ pointed to the two.

"The one that has Dom is G, like you all should know. And that's his little brother and Dominic's older brother, Dave," she said informingly.

"Hey, what's with the cosplayers?" Dave asked, eyeing the four. Hiei glared at him.

"Don't mind them," JJ said, scoffing.

"Hey, what time is it?" Dave asked, sipping a can of Pepsi.

"Mmm..." JJ looked at her watch. "Quarter to six." Dave nodded.

"So, how's Xtik?" G asked, still playing with Dom. JJ's eyes widened.

"Oh shit..."

WITH DREW

Drew laughed at a joke Shannon told her. They were both near the bushes, and they didn't notice the non-poisonous brown water snake JJ treasured slither towards Drew.

"God, that's funny!" Drew said, laughing and drinking tea. (FROM A BOTTLE) Shannon laughed along with her sister, holding Detric. G came up to Shannon and Drew.

"Hey, you guys can make Detric eat without him puking up," he said, a bit surprised. Shannon gasped.

"You mean he pukes up everything he eats?" she asked, a bit depressed and a bit irritated. Drew sighed.

"Oooh, poor baby. If he was with us, he'd be just chubby," Drew cooed. Shannon and G stood up.

"Hey Drew, we're gonna go get some more food," Shannon said, leaving.

"Huh? 'Kay." Drew took a drink of her tea. She sensed something behind her and she turned. She froze. It was Xtik.

XTIK'S POV (Yes, I'm using Xtik as an example!)

I slithered towards my masteress's sisters. I stopped when seeing a tall man approach the humans, so I backed off. They were talking in an accent that I could not decipher.

"Xtik?" I could hear my masteress's voice, the accent I could understand. "Are you here?" She was speaking softly, probably so her sister wouldn't freak.

"Can't find him!" I heard a smack, and then, I heard my masteress and the man leave. Then, my attention turned towards the human. She looked like a statue with frightened eyes.

"Sn-sn-sn-sna-sna-sna... SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!" she screamed. I could definately understand what she said, even though she was stuttering.

"Xtik?!" I slithered onto the comfortable fabric. I knew Masteress's mother and sister hated me, but I thought it was just a statement. I could feel Masteress pick up my body. She let me wrap around her arm, the one that wasn't covered up.

"Mom, Drew, I'm _soooo _sorry!" Masteress said, sounding sad. The two women were speaking to Masteress.

"That was the glass I slipped on!" Masteress explained. More unintelligable words.

"You didn't ask!" She ran away with me, laughing.

REGULAR POV

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! S-sorry guys, but I can't stay serious with you!" JJ yelled, snickering. The four cosplayers followed her. JJ ran into her room, plopping on her bed.

"Xtik, I love you, but please don't do that again," JJ said to the snake.

"JJ, what was that snake doin' out of its cage?!" Hiei yelled.

"That was the freaking glass I slipped on!" JJ said, petting Xtik. "Damn, I need to put you somewhere."

"Let it go." JJ kicked Hiei in the groin.

"Hell no! Wait!" JJ grabbed her wallet and dug through it. "Hmm... Ah!" JJ looked through Hiei's cloak, and she found a wallet. "Sweet." Kuwabara and Yusuke exchanged glances.

"He has a wallet?!" they asked in unison.

"Yes, I bought Hiei one," Kurama said calmly. JJ found almost three hundred dollars.

"Damn, what the hell does Shorty do? Does he date for money?" (A/N 'Date for money', in other words, is either being a call girl, or being a male escort) Kurama, Yusuke, and Kuwabara blushed.

"N-no! I know Hiei wouldn't do that!" Kurama said, waving his hands in front of his face. JJ gave Kurama Xtik.

"Sure." JJ left the room, and ran out the front door. She grabbed her bike and jumped on it.

AT THE STORE

"Thanks, Phil," JJ said, strapping a glass cage on her back. A clerk nodded.

"Whatever." JJ left the store and jumped on her bike again. She started to pedal.

AT HOME

"Hey Fox!" JJ yelled in the house. She looked at her watch. Seven fifty six. "Damn, four minutes."

"What?" JJ looked up and took Xtik back from Kurama. She unstrapped the glass cage on her back.

"Open this," she said. Kurama sighed and did. Hiei was sitting on the counter, playing with, of all things, an ice cube.

"It's melting," he said, mesmerized.

"Yeah, that's surprising. Someone as cold as you is making ice melt. Now that's muffed up," JJ said, putting Xtik into the glass cage. "GUYS!! FOLLOW ME OUTSIDE!!" JJ yelled. Kuwabara and Yusuke ran out from JJ's room.

"OK..." They all ran outside in the yard, and JJ ran up to Shannon.

"We're not too late, right?" Shannon shook her head. "Good." JJ took out some fireworks and put them in order.

"JJ, what're you doing?" Yusuke asked curiously.

"It's my turn!" she said, to no one in particular. She got a lighter and started to light them all. She ran away from them all after setting them off. Then, the fireworks all went off.

"Whoa..." Hiei was even more mesmerized by the fireworks. His crimson eyes went wide in curiousity.

"Sweet," Yusuke said, smiling. Silence. The only things that could be heard were the babies laughing, the fireworks sizzling and then going off, and JJ's family plus Hiei admiring the show.

"God..." Kurama said, staring at the sky. The show ended a few minutes later. Silence. JJ could hear a squishing sound, and she turned towards the shortest cosplayer. He was scraping something off of his shoe.

"Hiei, what did you step on?"

"A spider."

BA BOOM!! Plink, plip. JJ's family ran over to him, and smacked his head.

"YOU STEP ON A SPIDER, IT'LL RAIN, YOU IDIOT!!" they yelled. Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Kurama exchanged glances. They shrugged and ran into the house, as well as Hiei and the family.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!" JJ yelled.

_"Some family reunion this one turned out to be."_

* * *

WHOOT!! This was based on true events. Just minus the cosplayers, and replace them with... ME!! Yays! OK, you really didn't have to read this. But, don't call it stupid. I'll find it offensive to my family.

But review.

JJ


End file.
